i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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