Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize