Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
