I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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