You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
