I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
