She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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