Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
