People in love make me want to vomit
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
