just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize