We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize