well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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