can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
