It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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