im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
