There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
