she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
