We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
