We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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