at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
