after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
