We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
