clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
