he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
