don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
