what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
