I want to have your abortion
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
