i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
