i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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