Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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