Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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