mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
