it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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