if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
