Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize