Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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