the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You took a bar mat shot.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
