I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
