Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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