shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
