State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
