I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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