my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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