I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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