Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
This house was built for laser tag.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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