you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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