We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We have started to decorate penises.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
