I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
