My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize