the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
