i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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