2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
if you like me you must not know who I am
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
