physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
