my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
