if you like me you must not know who I am
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
