i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
