That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
