I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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