i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
