i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Randomize
