States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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