Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
