Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
