My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He did a backflip because drugs
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
