And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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