Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
