On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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