New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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