oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
