I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
