can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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