dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
