we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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