No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
