I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
