4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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