He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
