i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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