Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
