I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
