If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize