i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
