i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
