we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize