I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
