I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
