there's paper in my vomit.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
