he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
