Yo dont text me then not text me
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
3pm strippers are depressing
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize