Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
