just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
