I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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