I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
