I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
