I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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