Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
