Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
