I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
