she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
