Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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