she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
